Its Time...
Starting tomorrow- I will wake up and look in the mirror and tell myself something good about me. I have got to really work on myself. No more of this feeling sorry for myself and thinking I have time to make myself look and feel better- then I will move on.. I have got to stop beating myself up with thoughts of things I have no control over.. Like what if he was cheating on me? or What if I had gotten so comfortable that I just didnt take care of myself the way I should have and he wasnt attracted to me anymore.. I need to move forward.
I will begin by a hair make over on Friday. I normally have light brown hair with thick blonde highlights.. I plan to dye it dark brown! Not sure about the cut.. Im kind of enjoying it long.. But thats a start to a new happier me.. I will get myself organized and throw out all the crap that I have been holding onto just cause you never know when you will need it.. Then I will begin doing a little self tanning to get my olive skin glowing again.. I will throw out frumpy clothes and keep those that flatter and make me feel better. I vow to only wear a hat once a week to class! Thats a hard one!! I just know that I need to get myself back out there and need to make myself feel good and confident again in order to do that. I will plan out a way to drag my exhausted ass to the gym or at least run around the park by my house.. I was losing weight and feeling so good and then got busy with life and not that I have gained but I have some more to go.. I want to look in the mirror and see that happy girl with the sparkling eyes and smile and laughter that seem to be contagious.. Before I can get into the dating world- I need to remind myself whats so great about me and know that I deserve more!!
By the way- my best friend, Jaime, the guy who doesnt live here but used to be in love with me.. Always loved me!! We talked almost every night religiously for years through 2 serious boyfriends on my part.. He always loved me.. kind of nice to know that someone felt that way about you always.. Well we have been best friends and kept in touch for 10 years!! He has always been my best friend and the one that could make me feel special and loved...He's got a girlfriend.. Not just some random girl that he's dating but one that the other night when we finally got to talk after 3 weeks!! He tells me that he's in love with her.. They have been dating a whole 2 months? Im not sure why I got so angry at him or felt like someone knocked the breath out of me.. but OKay so yes I do know why.. Because I have always loved him.. IN my mind- the thought always lingered that He was always the one.. This past Valentines was my first alone since Kevin and I broke up..( 6 1/2years together) and he offered to fly me to see him for the weekend and would take me out and make me dinner, make my favorite chocolate cake (only he knows how I like it) and I didnt go.. I guess the idea of us seeing eachother and knowing the feeling that we both have and me actually being single and in that situation.. What would happen?? I was scared too death and turned him down.. In may I was in town by chance and he was working at the firestation that night and when I called to say that I was in town and didnt think I would be able to see him though.. He went ahead and got some one to cover his shift so that if by chance we could hang out..we could.. Well I ran from that opprotunity too! I think Im scared because of the strong feelings, and Im scared because he has always had me on this pedalstool.. No one has ever been good enough compared to me.. and what if he sees me and realizes he was wrong to believe that for all these years?? I just dont think that my heart could take it.. I loved being the girl he was in-love with all these years and the girl that he knew he would end up with somehow.. Now this new girl has taken my place in just a short time.. He was mine for 10 years and now he's not.. I miss him so much.. I miss our 6 hour conversations, our jokingly saying we will get married if we are not married at 28, or if we win the lottery first- he will meet me out front of the lottery winnings office with a ring..:-) Maybe I just miss being wanted and loved.. and am scared that I wont find it again..
Well screw that theory- Its TIME!! Im making some changes and I know that I have good things in my future!! I just want to be happy again..
I will begin by a hair make over on Friday. I normally have light brown hair with thick blonde highlights.. I plan to dye it dark brown! Not sure about the cut.. Im kind of enjoying it long.. But thats a start to a new happier me.. I will get myself organized and throw out all the crap that I have been holding onto just cause you never know when you will need it.. Then I will begin doing a little self tanning to get my olive skin glowing again.. I will throw out frumpy clothes and keep those that flatter and make me feel better. I vow to only wear a hat once a week to class! Thats a hard one!! I just know that I need to get myself back out there and need to make myself feel good and confident again in order to do that. I will plan out a way to drag my exhausted ass to the gym or at least run around the park by my house.. I was losing weight and feeling so good and then got busy with life and not that I have gained but I have some more to go.. I want to look in the mirror and see that happy girl with the sparkling eyes and smile and laughter that seem to be contagious.. Before I can get into the dating world- I need to remind myself whats so great about me and know that I deserve more!!
By the way- my best friend, Jaime, the guy who doesnt live here but used to be in love with me.. Always loved me!! We talked almost every night religiously for years through 2 serious boyfriends on my part.. He always loved me.. kind of nice to know that someone felt that way about you always.. Well we have been best friends and kept in touch for 10 years!! He has always been my best friend and the one that could make me feel special and loved...He's got a girlfriend.. Not just some random girl that he's dating but one that the other night when we finally got to talk after 3 weeks!! He tells me that he's in love with her.. They have been dating a whole 2 months? Im not sure why I got so angry at him or felt like someone knocked the breath out of me.. but OKay so yes I do know why.. Because I have always loved him.. IN my mind- the thought always lingered that He was always the one.. This past Valentines was my first alone since Kevin and I broke up..( 6 1/2years together) and he offered to fly me to see him for the weekend and would take me out and make me dinner, make my favorite chocolate cake (only he knows how I like it) and I didnt go.. I guess the idea of us seeing eachother and knowing the feeling that we both have and me actually being single and in that situation.. What would happen?? I was scared too death and turned him down.. In may I was in town by chance and he was working at the firestation that night and when I called to say that I was in town and didnt think I would be able to see him though.. He went ahead and got some one to cover his shift so that if by chance we could hang out..we could.. Well I ran from that opprotunity too! I think Im scared because of the strong feelings, and Im scared because he has always had me on this pedalstool.. No one has ever been good enough compared to me.. and what if he sees me and realizes he was wrong to believe that for all these years?? I just dont think that my heart could take it.. I loved being the girl he was in-love with all these years and the girl that he knew he would end up with somehow.. Now this new girl has taken my place in just a short time.. He was mine for 10 years and now he's not.. I miss him so much.. I miss our 6 hour conversations, our jokingly saying we will get married if we are not married at 28, or if we win the lottery first- he will meet me out front of the lottery winnings office with a ring..:-) Maybe I just miss being wanted and loved.. and am scared that I wont find it again..
Well screw that theory- Its TIME!! Im making some changes and I know that I have good things in my future!! I just want to be happy again..
posted by princess1215 at 1:25 PM
1 Comments:
melissa...
i think the problems are the same all over the world...
the only good thing is in brazil it is always summer...
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