Whats Going On....

So he arrived on Friday morning and I picked him up and it was the weird awkward thing again.. It definately takes me a while to WARM UP to how are supposed to be together.. He met my parents and that has gone so well! My mom seems to really enjoy him and like him alot.. My dad was a little hesitant at first and then the jokes began. My parents went to the store and my dad picked up some Mexican pastries... His face was so funny when my mom showed him the pastries.. He ran into the bedroom and changed into a striped shirt immediately.. Funny Stuff! I told him that they really needed to make some new jokes..

We went to dinner with my parents that night and that was so fun.. I loved getting to spend time with all of them and see how they were interacting with eachother. It was a good time! Then my dad drove us around town afterwards looking at apartments.. and rent houses.. that was weird! Either my dad was trying to show that he is supportive of the idea of Jaime and I being together or he was trying to act like he was..?? I dont know which one it was though..

This morning- Jaime came to my work and spent the last 2 hours hanging out with me and my coworker.. It was fun! I was so happy that he came.. We went home and slept for a bit.. (cant really sleep with him around though..) I tend to just stare at him and think... I have so many thoughts running through my head about us and our future.. Plus his skin is so soft and I can just touch him and it sends sparks rushing through me!! Crazy.. but to hear his breathing when he falls asleep is so comforting and helps to lull me off to sleep... I love it! I keep thinking I need to tell him how I feel- that yes Iam in love with him too.. But i havent found the right moment yet..

Today we got up and ate breakfast with my parents and then went to visit some friends of mine.. One friend pulled me aside and said that she is really worried about us.. She doesnt seem to think that we are doing well.. that we arent clicking.. feelings dont seem to be there?? When we left and were heading to church.. I asked him about this. He is so reassuring and told me that we are great.. that he can tell that I am getting more comfortable and that he is very happy.. I feel so much better with him telling me these things..

After church we went had dinner and then laid down for a nap before I had to come to work.. Lying next to him is so wonderful.. He cant seem to keep his hands to himself though.. Im not at the point where I want to go forward with anything physical.. Its hard enough to control myself with him.. I am scared.. I cant let go of those feeling and am so scared of getting hurt.. or this not working out.. I dont trust my bodies feelings for him yet.. I want to be so impulsive and I just cant go there yet.. I do know that in my previous relationships I have been very aggressive and forward-- I like to be the one in control.. I feel like I have no control in this relationship... I cant seem to let my guard completely down.. When things begin to progress- I quickly make them halt. Tonight was a good example of this.. and I stopped it as quickly as it started.. I hate that I might be making him feel as though I dont want him, and dont enjoy him... I do.. but need to slow this down a bit.. for now.

We will be heading to Ruidoso tomorrow for some gambling at the casinos and horse races.. We are staying at the Inn of The Mountain Gods.. very nice hotel! Its my parents, brother, and Jaime and I. This is such a weird trip to be making.. Last time I made this trip it was with my ex and it was one of the most memorable weekends ever.. Im hoping that this will be a great weekend and replace the memories of what once was.. I want to think of this place and think of him!

I will update my blog when I get back on Monday-- after I have taken him to the airport. Right now, Iam busy planning when I will go visit him again.. Looks like I will have to wait 2 weeks- He says that he is going to take me away for the weekend.. Im so excited and cant wait to see him again that weekend.. I love his surprises.. he also told me that he has a surprise at his house there for me too.. Wonder what he's talking about?? He always has something to make me smile.. I love that..

So maybe while we are at the hotel tomorrow- maybe I can come up with the courage to tell him that I love him.. I will keep you posted!! :-)