Women's Intuition??

Okay well, New Years came and went with no Kisses... I did call my best friend to see how his New Years was going and to thank him for my gift. I emailed him earlier that day as well.. We talked briefly and I let him go..The thanking was awkward.. and his your welcome was awkward.. Why is that??

So he called me tonight at work and we did get a chance to catch up.. I had not talked to him all week... He said that he didnt not Kiss anyone for New Years, not that there werent options, he just wasnt feeling it. ( yeah me eithor..lol) Then he told me that he had almost purchased a plane ticket to come spend New Years with me.
I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT!! I KNEW I WAS NOT GOING NUTS WORRYING FOR NOTHING...

OH my goodness.. What would I have done?? Refused to see him???? Be Mortified?? UGH!!! If I had refused to see him, that would have taken care of everything for sure.. but he wouldnt understand why I would do that and that it wasnt him at all..

And this next part is absolutely terrible..the reason he didnt book the flight and surprise me for the weekend.. his uncle passed away. So he had been at the funeral and with family in a small town in south Texas. The death was expected and so he was okay.. which made me quickly Thank God for not allowing that to happen this weekend.. What a scare though... It was terrible the reason that kept him from coming but Im a big believer in signs and that when God is ready for something to happen- it will happen. Just wasnt time for us yet... But how much longer do I really think I can keep him waiting?? We are just friends.. wont he just stop asking and move on..??

I did have a dream last night about my ex. It was a very refreshing dream in some ways but upsetting in others. I was with him in his home and with his family. His family was surrounding me and hugging me.. I could feel how much they loved me.. Then they left and he and I were left alone. We began to talk and at one point.. I dont even know what I was saying but I just screamed everything that I had feared, thought, hurt...and he hugged me and said he was sorry. Then there was apart after that with his fiance and I sitting in a room and I dont know what all happened in that part but I do know that I looked at her and knew that I was glad to not be that girl anymore. When I woke up, I felt like I had finally let another part of my past go...

I felt better all day. Kind of lightly walking on air..just a happy feeling.. when my best friend called I know I just lit up.. I do miss him and care about him a great deal. but as Im learning more about myself and growing.. I need to take things at my own pace.. Hell, it took me a year and 1/2 to dream a productive dream that allowed me to work through some emotions I had been carrying.

To Friends that wonder about me.. Please dont! I got a phone call today with a friend telling me that she is really concerned about me because I have not started dating again, or talking to any guys at all... Do you really think its because I dont want to?? I love to meet new people and get to know people.. I have not had many opportunities for it.. Each day I feel stronger and better, and know that when the time is right- I will meet someone..Im not worried.

I have always had boyfriends, or crushes... This is the longest I have ever been single.. Whats so wrong with it?? Some people actually enjoy being single.. Cant I see what thats like first, before settling down again?? This time in my life is about me, finding myself, figuring out who I am, and what I know I deserve... I do not need to have a man in my life in order to do any of those things.. When the time is right, I will be ready and you will be one of the first to know.

Cant time just slow a little bit to allow me to find myself before that big push back into life???