I'm Just Going to Close My Eyes and Sit Very Still..
I cannot manage my money to save my life sometimes.. I had problems my senior year of high school and the first few years of college...But the last few years it has gotten better.. Might bounce a check once a year or something but nothing crazy.. Well I have tried to keep a checkbook but I always screw up the math.. So I just keep track in my head..that obviously works pretty well till now.
So I got paid on Wednesday and it was a bigger check than normal because of my raise at work.. but can you believe that I just called my bank to see how much I have in there and I have $45.00!! What happened to all that money, you ask?? Well evidentally by pay check went through at the same time as a bunch of checks.. Since they went in at the same time, I got insufficent fund charges...So now I have $45.00 to last me 2 weeks and have 3 bills to pay and 2 checks that havent gone through..How the heck am I going to pay for Thanksgiving??
You know if its not one thing, its another.. Oh and my last conversation with Him wasnt good.. I got the information on my January teachers convention and I wont be staying with him cause we stay in the dorms at the facility. I dont know if I really want to go after all though- the first night we are going to be taking a late night (11pm) Owl Prowl.. They want us to hike AT NIGHT and go in search of owls.. Um, hello, I do not do snakes and if I cant see where the hell Im walking then we have a problem.. The next night they are having a bonfire with smores and of course Im all for that..lol :-) Still waiting to hear if the organization is going to pay for it...
But our conversation did not go well because He can tell that I am stalling. He said that I should come spend New Years Eve with him.. I told him that I didnt have plans yet but need to see if my dad would be coming home that weekend first.. Then he asked about the following week- could I come visit before I start student teaching?? Blocked again.. I am sick to my stomach that Im so stupid.. I cant make a damn decision because Im scared and I cant balance a checkbook to save my life!!! Whats a girl to do??
At this point in my life.. I have decided that as confident as I feel that Im going to love teaching, be a great teacher, meet the man of my dreams, get married and have beautiful babies, make a positive difference in lives of the people I meet.. Right now, Im just scared. Im scared of everything.. Im scared to get too close to people, really let them in to see how vulnerable that I am, I dont want to get hurt or be disappointed, and am sick and tired of being a dissappointment.. maybe if I just close my eyes and sit very still- I can be invisible for a bit till I figure things out.
So I got paid on Wednesday and it was a bigger check than normal because of my raise at work.. but can you believe that I just called my bank to see how much I have in there and I have $45.00!! What happened to all that money, you ask?? Well evidentally by pay check went through at the same time as a bunch of checks.. Since they went in at the same time, I got insufficent fund charges...So now I have $45.00 to last me 2 weeks and have 3 bills to pay and 2 checks that havent gone through..How the heck am I going to pay for Thanksgiving??
You know if its not one thing, its another.. Oh and my last conversation with Him wasnt good.. I got the information on my January teachers convention and I wont be staying with him cause we stay in the dorms at the facility. I dont know if I really want to go after all though- the first night we are going to be taking a late night (11pm) Owl Prowl.. They want us to hike AT NIGHT and go in search of owls.. Um, hello, I do not do snakes and if I cant see where the hell Im walking then we have a problem.. The next night they are having a bonfire with smores and of course Im all for that..lol :-) Still waiting to hear if the organization is going to pay for it...
But our conversation did not go well because He can tell that I am stalling. He said that I should come spend New Years Eve with him.. I told him that I didnt have plans yet but need to see if my dad would be coming home that weekend first.. Then he asked about the following week- could I come visit before I start student teaching?? Blocked again.. I am sick to my stomach that Im so stupid.. I cant make a damn decision because Im scared and I cant balance a checkbook to save my life!!! Whats a girl to do??
At this point in my life.. I have decided that as confident as I feel that Im going to love teaching, be a great teacher, meet the man of my dreams, get married and have beautiful babies, make a positive difference in lives of the people I meet.. Right now, Im just scared. Im scared of everything.. Im scared to get too close to people, really let them in to see how vulnerable that I am, I dont want to get hurt or be disappointed, and am sick and tired of being a dissappointment.. maybe if I just close my eyes and sit very still- I can be invisible for a bit till I figure things out.
posted by princess1215 at 1:04 AM
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