SO DONE..

Im irritated!! I just hung up on his ass.. He calls me when it isnt convenient to talk- and talks to others.. tells me he will call me back... talks about stuff.. when I ask questions or make a comment, he ignores what I say altogether.. Why the hell call me if thats what its going to be like?? Seriously!!

This morning he called and I had him go to a link for some sandals a friend of mine found for me to wear at camp this summer.. and he all but said they were awful. He was very rude about it and that just set me off.. I dont care if you like the cheap ass shoes that I was going to get... I dont care that you are too good to shop for cheap shoes at payless... and I told him all that.

So when he went into a conversation with someone else right after that.. and then said oh I will have to call you back.. I was just so damn irritated.. Whats the point to all of this??? I mean REALLY.. Then he calls back and did the whole ignoring my comments and I said you know what, how about you just call me later when you can talk.. and he was like I am talking and I said no your not.. just call me later.. and he said fine and started in on something else and I hung up. Have a great freaking day!! Grrrr!!

Just Breathe..

Just Breathe..

Just got off the phone with him and this conversation went a little better. I hate all this confusion and uncertainty. But at least it was a nice talk and we laughed some. I miss him so much already and when he said that there was a DING on southwest for cheap.. I was so ready to book it! Is that wrong?? Shouldn't I be wanting some space and time right now to deal with this?? Honestly, Im just wanting to see him again.. and for what? We arent together anymore right? Ugh, this is all making NO SENSE what so ever.. The last few days with him here though were wonderful. We actually talked and I felt like he was the guy that I had been missing so much the past few months.. Why does that have to happen as he is leaving? I still am not sure what I did to push him so far away and I wish that I could take it all back and start over.. I was reading through my blogs from last summer and I was so happy.. where did that go? Owell, tomorrow is another day and I will have school to keep it all off my mind for a bit. Im sure I will be blogging quiet often now since I have this to work through... so IM officially back. :-(

Just For Today~ Be Happy!

I have no idea what to do. I need about 2 more days before I return to school. I have paper work for kids with possible add an adhd to fill out, paperwork and emails on kids that are going to be retained, grading papers, lesson plans, learning the new curriculum.. FACE IT- this is not an 8-3 job at all. I really need to do all this stuff but I cant seem to get myself out of bed. I cant sleep but have no motivation to get stuff done either. I just need a few days to clear my head and get my self pulled together.

SINCE I dont have that luxury, I will get my ass out of bed and get busy. just going to wait till 5pm. One more hour..lol

Just Breathe..

Just hung up the phone and already feel very empty. He said that it sucks being single. Well you have only been home a few hours and why is that the only thing on your mind? I am here missing you like crazy and your concerned with being single? I feel like the words I spoke to you the last few days went in one ear and out the other. Even the conversation just now- the comment about my dream, and the comments that my parents have made.. your response was like a slap in the face. SO I guess maybe you are a little more out of this than I am so far. Out of sight, out of mind- maybe? For now, I am just taking it a day at a time, loving you is something that I have done for a very long time and its never going to stop but if it needs to be changed back into a "friendship" love I will need some time for that. This has been very hard just in the last 24 hours.. and I dont guess that its going to get a whole lot easier but I think this transition would if you would talk to me, be real with me.

This is just that self talk stuff that helps you to work through your thoughts.. mine is just taking me in circles. I want to feel like everything will be fine but HELL IM SINGLE TOO.. this didnt JUST HAPPEN TO YOU! My life feels turned upside down.

Someday this will all make perfect sense, for now laugh at the confusion,smile through the tears..

AND KEEP REMINDING YOURSELF THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!!

Well I guess I was so wrapped up that I didnt have a chance to blog about the amazing time I have experienced the last 8 months. The love of my life dropped everything to come and be here with me and now as of yesterday has packed it and moved back. I just keep thinking- WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?? What did I do wrong? I have always been very strong about not having regrets but I just wish I had done so many things differently. Wonder if it would have made a difference? I wish that I had a better understanding of Gods plan for my life... whatever it is, I have that Jaime is in it.