One another note..

So remember the whole thing about his friend SH that I mentioned from myspace?? Well I looking at his blog tonight and she had posted a comment on there as well.. He had written something like.. "See what i do for you? I finally gave into the man and made a myspace page. I miss you!!" Then I had responded that it wasnt that bad, I was glad he was on, and couldnt wait till he posted some pictures! and that I missed him too!

So then Miss SH decides she needs to post too. It says something about how she knew he would finally listen to her and get on there.. and then something about I love you jaimelito! Huh, What? yeah not too thrilled to be reading that.. Im sure glad that I posted before she had. cause I would have been hella pissed if I had seen that on there before hand.. She's just being a dumb girl and seeing what she can pull.. I hate girls like that.

This is part of the reason that Im okay with staying here for a year or so.. I will have him in my territory for a while and out of that area.. maybe away from these stupid girls.. that will probably try to cause problems. We dont need that!!

Not only do I have the worry about him finding a job, his parents hating me, but now he wants me to buy a swim suit!! When I go visit in 2 weeks- he has plans to take me away for the weekend.. I have no idea where we are going or who we are going with.. Im extremely nervous. I hate surprises!! Im worried that we are going to be hanging out with his friends and that Im going to be so self conscious that I wont be fun.. Being in a swim suit is like torture for me right now.. So maybe this week I can find the perfect swimsuit that will hide all the bad and emphasize the good. maybe?? fingers crossed!

My roses are still alive and beautiful! Reminding me of what a wonderful weekend I just had.. too bad it had to be ruined by the whole parents thing.. Im not sure what the hell Im going to do about all that?? How awkward will it be when I visit them in 2 weeks?? Are they going to go off on my about my parents?? Not looking forward to that... but cant wait to see him.

where do you think he is taking me??? what do you pack when you have no idea where you are going??

The shit hits the fan!

Yeah, just when things are going so perfect.. there's gotta be a kink! Today was that day.. So I wake up and have missed several of his calls and also his text message that said he missedme.. I tried to call him back but got his voicemail cause he was at work.. Sucked! So I emailed him a few emails and then went to get some stuff done. I get home and am asking my mom how she felt this weekend went and what she thought of him.

MOMS VIEW: She thought he was a nice guy, great manners, a gentleman, treated me very well. She didnt see any spark with me though and was worried.. Why wasnt I giddy and goo goo eyed?? Was I not that into him?? I told her that yes Iam very into him but that Im not 18 anymore and this isnt so new to me.. we have known eachother for years and Im pretty comfortable with him. Plus this weekend was not about showing how I felt but for them to get to know him..

Then my dad called and was telling me what he thought about Jaime.

DADS VIEW: he thought he was a great guy, seemed to treat me very well, very attentive.. he didnt get a good feel for his intentions with me, or what kind of temperment that Jaime has..? He also wanted me to know that he wanted jaime to know that he better" never lay a hand on me.." Excuse me?? What the hell??

So then I go back to my mom wondering what in the heck??

MOMS VIEW: she tells me that she and my dad hadnt talked about that but that she was very curious too.What were his intentions?? And that she agreed with the comment about never laying a hand on me.. I asked her what made them feel that way? Why would they feel the need to say that?? She said she wasnt sure.. that it wasnt the fact that he was so much bigger built than my previous boyfriend or anything.. but I got the feeling from things she said that all she did all weekend long was compare him to K. NOT COOL! They are not the same people at all... She did reassure me a bit that they did really like him and that they just needed to get to spend more time with him..

I talked to Jaime on the phone for alittle bit tonight and tried really hard to not tell him anything negative but he just kept on saying.. I can tell you there is something you arent saying.. I feel like yes they think im great BUT... so what is it?? So I gave in and told him what my parents had said. He was shocked and couldnt figure out what he had done or said to get that reaction.. I couldnt either. Then he told me he would call me back..

MY DAD: So my dad asks me to come talk to him.. He tells me that he really does like the guy and that he saw a whole new me this weekend.. He said that watched how Jaime was with me and that he appreciated that.. he said that he watched me sleeping on the way home and saw that I would wake up and my face would just light up when I looked at Jaime.. he could see that this guy makes me happier than anything else in the world. He loved that. He said that the reason he made the comment about not laying a hand on me.. was nothing against him. he didnt get to meet this guy before we started dating, so he didnt get to instill the fear of God into him.. like usual. he doesnt know his temperment.. like he doesnt know how jaime will react when i come home and say that i wrecked the car, or maxed our my cards, or bounced 5 checks! he wants to know how jaime will respond to these things before he lets his guard down. He told me that our whole family got burned with my last relationship. We loved K so much and made him a part of the family. it was hard on all of us when it ended and that my dad took it particularly hard and felt helpless in making it better for me. He said that our family was extremely cautious this weekend with him just for that reason. They want to know what his intentions are, and who he is, what he is like... so that they can know if he will be good to me, if he is the one for me. Can they trust this guy with me, with my heart, with their hearts??

So I get a call back from jaime and he is really upset! Oh my gosh! he had gotten off the phone with me and went and talked to his parents. he told them what my parents had said and THEY ARE PISSED!!!! I told him what my dad had said and tried to explain as best as i could where he was coming from.. but that wouldnt fix the fact that his parents are pissed and probably wont ever care to meet my parents.. which I understand. I would hate to hear something like that and know my parents wouldnt be happy either. But my parents with some explaining would get over it.. He said that his mom wont.. she's like that. So Now Im thinking- I really screwed this up big time!! Our parents will never get along now.. He said we will just have to have no AUDIO at our wedding..lol I love that he tries to make jokes to lighten the mood but hell!!! I want his parents to love me, and my parents.. Just Like I want my parents to love him and his parents. Not sure that will happen now... He told me he would do his best to fix it with his parents.. make it better.. Dont know how that is possible??

How could I have possibly told him that?? Why couldnt I just have lied?? Why couldnt my parents just fell in love with him and this wouldnt happening now!! What in the world should I do to fix this problem?? I feel horrid!!!

Monday.. here already..

So we grab some breakfast on our way out of Ruidoso- that my dad finally let Jaime pay for.. he had been trying to pay for things all weekend but my dad wouldnt let him.. So McDonalds it was! :-)

I honestly dont remember much of the trip home.. I couldnt keep my eyes open! I laid my head on his shoulder and just slept like a baby.. I would wake up off and on and just look at him and smile.. i couldnt help it. he has the most beautiful face.. Deep Dark eyes, beautiful smile, gorgeous lips, and his hands were holding mine.. It was wonderful!

We get back to Lubbock and we headed to take a nap before his plane ride home. We watched 13 going on 30 cause I told him it reminded me of us! lol We did make it through the entire thing and he liked it.. we took a few breaks to kiss and hold eachother. still no action there.. IM TELLING YOU.. IM TRYING TO BE GOOD!!!!

His flight was delayed about 15 minutes but that was it.. took him to the airport and wished that I could have just made him stay.. held him ransom! but we got out and said our goodbyes.. he hugged me and kissed me and told me that he loved me.. I said ME TOO! Oh my gosh- who does that?? he looked at me with a big old grin and said what??? And I couldnt say it.. he told me he was fine with that and that he knew it would happen when I was ready.. Gosh, Im such an idiot! Its horribly embarressing! So he leaves and I didnt say I loved him once again.. now I have 2 weeks to miss him like crazy and rethink how Im going to do tell him that I love him!!

I didnt talk to him that night cause I crashed early and didnt hear my phone ring at all!! didnt wake up today till 1pm!! I was thoroughly exhausted!!! what a wonderful time we had together.. I cannot wait till we can start apartment/rent house hunting. Going to be so much fun!
Day #4: exahusted, drained, cant stop smiling and thinking of when I will see him again...

Sunday...

So we wake up from our 2hour nap on Sunday and pack and get ready for our road trip with my family to go to Ruidoso. Didnt shower cause we didnt have time, thought we would when we got there..

The trip was forever long and we fell asleep early on.. most uncomfortable drive ever.. really!! We get there and my dad goes straight to the racetrack. We werent there very long before my brother and Mom were ready to go. So I left my dad and Jaime together while I drove them back to the hotel to check in. The hotel has been renovated and looked amazing!! We had such an incredible view from our room.. it was beautiful!

I then head back out to the track, where I found the guys and they were winning! So they were both in good moods.. Jaime I guess tried to have a conversation with my dad about us and poor thing didnt realize this was not the best time. My dad is in his element when he's at the races.. thats all he thinks, eats, breathes. So dad didnt have much to say about all that Jaime was sharing with him.. But they were having alot of fun..

We finally got out of there and headed to the hotel. Still not shower to be had.. But my parents and Jaime and I decided to go on a walk around the hotel and see what was new.. They have a really nice bar with balconies overlooking the lake.. So we had a glass of wine there and sat a talked a bit.. It was so nice! Being 3 of my favorite people in the world. Everything was going so well..

Then we got my brother and went to eat at one of the hotels restaurants. It was huge and had so much to eat.. oh my gosh! We were all pretty sick by the time we left.. yuck.. hate buffets.. bathroom situation was odd..lol

Then we finally showered and my dad, jaime, and I headed down to the casino. We played slots, no tables- they were full. But it was fun! They dont allow drinking at all in the casino area anymore though.. that was a bummer cause I was really looking forward to having a few drinks.. I wanted to get up the nerve to tell him that I loved him that night. I ran out of money early on and we headed over to get a drink at the bar.. We each had A BEER and then I asked if he wouldnt mind going to for a walk with me.

No I had not had enough alcohol but figured that this might be enough.. We sat down by the lake and just held eachother for like 45 minutes. It was very romantic and of course he was saying the most wonderful and beautiful things to me. It was the perfect moment for me to say that I loved him.. but I didnt.. What is wrong with me?? So then Im saying that I wished we had a set of playing cards and bottle of something so that we could go play some strip poker..lol yeah it didnt happen but would have been fun to see him naked..lol I dont lose at that game!

We headed back inside and got my dad and went to bed.. Slept like a ROCK that night. was so tired and honestly didnt move.. I did feel him trying to love on my during the night a few times but my parents are in the bed next to us.. Honestly- not going to do that.. I was so out of it that i didnt hear when my brother woke up throwing up like crazy!! Eewww! Im glad that I missed that.

That morning we woke up late and had like 15 minutes to pack and leave.. we were running late to getting back to lubbock. We took a few pictures before we left that turned out horrible.. hate that.. We have to work on our photo skills..lol But this trip was definately a good one, a much needed one, I really felt like my parents loved this guy as much as i do!
Day # 3: Tired as hell but having blast with him!

Saturday Flew by...

So He came up to my work on Saturday morning at like 5am to spend time with me here.. he looked so cute when he got here.. My coworker was really cool with it, since his wife hangs out up here for hours at a time too... They got along really well!

We left here and went home and tried to sleep.. hands were moving and so not much sleep was to be had.. But nothing happened.. Im not ready for that yet.. and I mean NOTHING HAPPENED.. just kissed and hugged on eachother. It was nice.. I know in the back of his mind he's wondering... What happened to this wild and aggressive girl that is sexually frustrated?? This new girl is trying to her hardest to be on her best behavior.. but believe me.. its BEEN HARD!!!

So we wake up and get ready for church and stuff.. went by a friends house and hung out for a bit.. then headed to church with my parents.. CHurch was good.. It was so nice to have him there with me. I couldnt help but think.. Would this be the church that we get married in?? Hmm.. Then we left there and my parents went home to cook out for dinner.. we ran to another friends house to say hi.. Then headed home.. Dinner was great.. Nice time with my parents once again..

We went and laid down for alittle bit and started to watch a movie. it was so hard to leave when I had to go to work.. I did not want to go!!! I did not want to be away from his side!! But I went and head ended up going to bed early that night..

He came up here that morning about 6:15am and brought me a dozen red roses.. How sweet! I almost got teary eyed about it.. It was just such a nice thing to do and made me feel very special. I love him so much!! (no i havent said it yet). Then we went home and napped for about 2 hours.. (touchy feely again, yes!) Then we had to pack and get ready to leave for Ruidoso.

Oh and Let me tell you that when he did get here on Friday.. the first thing that I had him do was to get on Myspace.com and let me the dang picture. Hold up- -back up.. Did I tell you about that?? So he has this friend that he kind of liked but never dated.. he didnt see it working out.. We will call her SH. So since he started his myspace account.. She found it and posted a comment. It was just saying hi and that she had a picture of the 2 of them together on her page.. So I clicked it to see what it looked like. .She's a cute girl..from what I could see in the one on her comment. But I was curious. So I clicked it and I wasnt allowed to see it cause Im not one of her friends.. UGH! Thats frustrating.. Now I just wanted to see it cause I couldnt.. Then when talking with a friend.. it got me even more curious to see it.. he told me that it was nothing that they had taken a picture last summer when they were out one night.. um, thats when he kind of liked her.. wonder what this picture looks like? what were they doing in the picture? Hmmm.. crazy girl mindset is happening bad!! So then when he gets here on Friday I asked him to let me see it so that I could just get over this.. he thought it was funny and began to give me a hard time about what I might see.. turns out it was just apicture of them standing next to eachother and nothing to worry about at all.. I hate being that crazy girl.. I know I must have seemed that way..lol
Day #2 Another great day..

Last Friday..

Okay so I got off work and went to pick him up from the airport.. we have a wonderful time taking a nap where i managed to reject him one too many times.. It was embarressing but damn I just need a few hours to get comfortable with him before we begin that again..lol Plus I was a little concerned with the kissing again.. but this time it was so much better! Guess we will be compatible after all.. :-) Just needed to see what the other liked??

Woke up and got ready and went to dinner with the parents.. This was nice. We had a really good time at dinner and I could tell they were really liking him. When we left my dad said that he wanted to take us on Sunday to Ruidoso for the night and go gambling and stuff.. This was a good sign and would give them some time to get to know him better. So he booked the hotel and we were set.

After dinner, my dad sure did drive us all around Lubbock looking at apartments and at rental houses.. So that was a good sign- I thought..

Then we went and played pool for a while before I had to get to work.. he kicked my butt! that part sucked! I hate losing!! Then he dropped me off at work and that was the end of night #1. He went back to my house and did some of his stuff for work and then went to sleep.
Day #1 overrall great day!!

Movie Quotes that are on My MIND!!

There are millions of people out there. But in the end it all comes down to one. I still panic sometimes, forget to breathe. But I know there's something beautiful in all my imperfections. A beauty in which he held out for me to see, a strength that can never be taken away.-Crazy/Beautiful

What I want most in the world is to find the one person who makes the world seem beautiful-Crazy/Beautiful

That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time.-Never Been Kissed

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly without complexities abide. I love you because I know no other way then this, so close that your hand, on my chest, is my hand. So close that when you close your eyes, I fall asleep.-Patch Adams

They didn't agree on much, in fact they rarely agreed on anything at all, They fought all the time and challenged each other every day, but in spite all their differences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other-The Notebook

Poets often describe love as an emotion that we can't control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. That's what it was like for me. I didn't plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt if you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has happened only once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it.-The Notebook

Take love, multiply it by infinity and take it to the depths of forever and you still will have only a glimpse of how I feel for you-Meet Joe Black

You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you-Hook

There is fate, but it only takes you so far, because once you’re there its up to you to make it happen-Can’t Hardly Wait

If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever?-Casper

The things you're afraid of are usually the most worthwhile-Chasing Liberty

Whats Going On....

So he arrived on Friday morning and I picked him up and it was the weird awkward thing again.. It definately takes me a while to WARM UP to how are supposed to be together.. He met my parents and that has gone so well! My mom seems to really enjoy him and like him alot.. My dad was a little hesitant at first and then the jokes began. My parents went to the store and my dad picked up some Mexican pastries... His face was so funny when my mom showed him the pastries.. He ran into the bedroom and changed into a striped shirt immediately.. Funny Stuff! I told him that they really needed to make some new jokes..

We went to dinner with my parents that night and that was so fun.. I loved getting to spend time with all of them and see how they were interacting with eachother. It was a good time! Then my dad drove us around town afterwards looking at apartments.. and rent houses.. that was weird! Either my dad was trying to show that he is supportive of the idea of Jaime and I being together or he was trying to act like he was..?? I dont know which one it was though..

This morning- Jaime came to my work and spent the last 2 hours hanging out with me and my coworker.. It was fun! I was so happy that he came.. We went home and slept for a bit.. (cant really sleep with him around though..) I tend to just stare at him and think... I have so many thoughts running through my head about us and our future.. Plus his skin is so soft and I can just touch him and it sends sparks rushing through me!! Crazy.. but to hear his breathing when he falls asleep is so comforting and helps to lull me off to sleep... I love it! I keep thinking I need to tell him how I feel- that yes Iam in love with him too.. But i havent found the right moment yet..

Today we got up and ate breakfast with my parents and then went to visit some friends of mine.. One friend pulled me aside and said that she is really worried about us.. She doesnt seem to think that we are doing well.. that we arent clicking.. feelings dont seem to be there?? When we left and were heading to church.. I asked him about this. He is so reassuring and told me that we are great.. that he can tell that I am getting more comfortable and that he is very happy.. I feel so much better with him telling me these things..

After church we went had dinner and then laid down for a nap before I had to come to work.. Lying next to him is so wonderful.. He cant seem to keep his hands to himself though.. Im not at the point where I want to go forward with anything physical.. Its hard enough to control myself with him.. I am scared.. I cant let go of those feeling and am so scared of getting hurt.. or this not working out.. I dont trust my bodies feelings for him yet.. I want to be so impulsive and I just cant go there yet.. I do know that in my previous relationships I have been very aggressive and forward-- I like to be the one in control.. I feel like I have no control in this relationship... I cant seem to let my guard completely down.. When things begin to progress- I quickly make them halt. Tonight was a good example of this.. and I stopped it as quickly as it started.. I hate that I might be making him feel as though I dont want him, and dont enjoy him... I do.. but need to slow this down a bit.. for now.

We will be heading to Ruidoso tomorrow for some gambling at the casinos and horse races.. We are staying at the Inn of The Mountain Gods.. very nice hotel! Its my parents, brother, and Jaime and I. This is such a weird trip to be making.. Last time I made this trip it was with my ex and it was one of the most memorable weekends ever.. Im hoping that this will be a great weekend and replace the memories of what once was.. I want to think of this place and think of him!

I will update my blog when I get back on Monday-- after I have taken him to the airport. Right now, Iam busy planning when I will go visit him again.. Looks like I will have to wait 2 weeks- He says that he is going to take me away for the weekend.. Im so excited and cant wait to see him again that weekend.. I love his surprises.. he also told me that he has a surprise at his house there for me too.. Wonder what he's talking about?? He always has something to make me smile.. I love that..

So maybe while we are at the hotel tomorrow- maybe I can come up with the courage to tell him that I love him.. I will keep you posted!! :-)

A few days off..

By the way, if you havent already guessed.. I will probably not be updating this after Saturday night cause I will be off on Sunday and Monday and will be spending time with Jaime.. So fingers crossed that its a great weekend with lots of stories to share!! :-) Keep the prayers coming..

Changes are a Coming...

Well this morning after a good chat before I left work... I was feeling really excited and good about things with Jaime and I.

I get home and try to take a nap before having to get up and get stuff done today..My phone was ringing off the hook though.. I wasnt answering it though.. I was exhausted!! Then I finally got so sick of it that I did wake up and tried calling that school in Round Rock but only got a voicemail..

Then I begin to check my voicemail to see what the heck people were calling for.. So I had a message from my old cooperating teacher saying to call her back ASAP! So I hang up and call her right away.. She is all sorts of excited!! She asked me if I took the job?? Um, What job?? Apparently the principal I had interviewed with the previous day had called to her to check up on me.. and would be offering me a job.. Funny thing about this is that I wasnt the least bit excited to hear this news.. I was shocked and kind of bothered.

So then I start my list of calling people back that I had missed their calls and as Im on the phone with Cathy.. My dad walks in and says that he has the lady with the district on his cell phone and she is calling to offer me a job.. I Freaked OUT!!! I wasnt ready to talk to her.. but he had already said I was there..so there was not way out of this one..

So I talk to her and she asks me how the interview went and I was very honest with her.. and explained that this was not particularly a school that I was wanting to work at. I want to be at a lower school.. She was very surprised and said that she would give me a day to think it over and would want her answer today by 8:30am! I realize that this school is one of the best in the city and thats great and all. .but I just dont feel passionate about working there.. I just have this feeling inside me that says that I would be of much better use in a lower school where there is a great need..

So after freaking out all day and finally talking to Jaime about it.. I have come to the conclusion that I will take the job.. I dont know if I will get any more offers so I can afford to pass this up.. I figure that I can take this job and get some great training in the curriculum this school uses- that is also used throughout Texas.. I can finish my masters while Im still here, then I will even more prepared and be a better canidate for the Austin area.. Jaime is completely supportive of my decision and is planning on moving up here in August. I told him that I would understand if he backed out on the idea.. I know that he was really thinking it wouldnt happen this way.. But he told me that he would rather be here with me than in Austin without me.. He makes me feel so secure and really gives me a sense of security to know that he is willing to do this.. I have such high hopes for us!! But It will only be for a year or 2 and then we will head back to the Austin area.. Who knows.. maybe by then we will have gotten engaged and could get married here in Lubbock before we leave.. lol :-)

So things are sort of falling into place.. Its all still very uncertain but I kind of feel Gods hands guiding me through this.. Im not so much nervous about it-- just want to make sure that Im doing whats best..

So Jaime is at the airport in Austin as we speak.. He will be flying in at 9am! I cannot wait to see him.. A little nervous about that seeing eachother again thing.. hope its not awkward.. I hope its just wonderful and perfect! We are going to go back to my house and go to sleep.. Im super excited about that! :-)
No plans really for this weekend.. just kind of playing it by ear.. mostly I just want to relax and enjoy my time with him.. I am looking forward to spending some time with him and my parents.. I hope they get a good feel for him and just fall in love with him- like I have! We are going to dinner tonight and that should be interesting.. My parents and Jaime and I! :-)
Another plus with him moving here, will be that he will get a chance to really get to know and grow close with my family.. They are my world.. Then when we move back to Austin together.. he will understand how important it will be for us to come back and visit my family.. :-)
So Im pretty certain that if things go like they have been with us, that I will be giving in and finally telling him this weekend that Yes I am in love with him too! Not sure when or how.. but I can been catching myself lately trying to say it and feel that maybe I should just go with it.. if the feelings that strong, ya know?
I wanted to share something on here that we sent back and forth to eachother through email.. its super sweet.. Are you ready??
I emailed him this poem that I think is sweet..

Love is like a star, you know reaching for it is impossible, but you keep reaching, hoping that one day the star might fall . . . for you.

Then he replied with this:

Reaching for it is possible and you can stop reaching for that star cause it fell for you long ago. I really do MISS YOU alot.
Love,
Jaime
P.S. I don't think a star is the best thing to reach for, do you know how hot they are? Our closest star gives me sunburn, so trying to reach for it NO thank you. But LOVING YOU, I can do that knowing it will never hurt me.

Ah, How wonderful and sweet is that?? Then I got a text message earlier tonight saying " Behind You 100% Love you!!" Lastly, he sent me an email before he went to bed saying " I love you!" I dont care how many times this guy tells me that.. it makes me smile so freaking hard my cheeks hurt!!

So fingers crossed that this will be a wonderful weekend and that I will finally let go of my hesitations and just enjoy our time together.. Who knows- We may end up apartment hunting on Saturday! That would be fun!! :-) I cant help but be excited at the thought of us finally getting to live in the same city!! and be together!!

Oh wait, I failed to mention one little error on my part tonight... Im feeling a bit guilty so feel I should share it.. So I was on myspace before I came to work and went to his page and he had a new friend added and she left a comment. It happens to be the girl that he never dated but kind of liked and they hung out alot for a while.. They are really good friends.

Until tonight I never worried about her.. but then I read the comment she left on his page.. It said that she was glad he was on there blah blah.. and that he should check out her page cause she has a picture of them together on there.. So I click on her picture and it brings her up and she's really a cute girl.. damn that sucks.. but he's with me and never dated her so not an issue.. but then I when I tried to get on her page to see this picture of them.. it wont let me!! I have to be a "friend" to see her page.

For some reason that really pissed me off! My jealousy reared its ugly head and I was pissed that I couldnt get on her page and see the stupid picture.. So then I asked him last night about it.. "he said oh yeah i will show you it.. we were downtown last summer and took a picture together.." So this is when he kind of liked her.. So Im thinking- maybe I dont want to see this picture.. it might just make me feel jealous or something.. just ignore and move on.. But for some reason I cant.. Its like I really NEED to see it now.. I asked him if they were just posing like normal or if it was a huggy picture?? he wouldnt answer that question... what the hell?? What to do?? Should I just look at it today when he gets here or just ignore and move on.. cause it doesnt really matter?? I hate being a girl sometimes.. we can be so dramatic about the dumbest things..

Had the "TALK" with Dad..

Today was kind of a nerve racking day.. Alot going on and alot on my mind.. I woke up after 4 hours with a scratch on my nose? Guess I was thinking in my sleep and instead of scratching my head, scratched my nose. I have a really cute little scab now. Nice!

I had my interview this afternoon and Jaime called to wish me luck with it.. I love that he is so supportive of my job search even if its not in Austin.. He really does make me feel completely secure and allows me to be excited about possibilities anywhere. He told me today that maybe I should consider applying in the Dallas areas as well.. He wouldnt mind living there either? It nice that he's so flexible and willing to do whatever he needs to for us to be together.. Finally having that feeling of someone putting me before themselves.. kind of weird.. not used to it but kind of like it.

The interview went okay- by that I mean that it went well but I was definately not excited about this school and left glad being done and wouldnt mind if I didnt get that job. I do hope that some other offers and opprotunities arise soon though. Maybe in his area, that would be even better!

Talking to him this afternoon before my interview was so reassuring though and the email he sent me last night was just so sweet.. He has such a way with words and can make me feel so special without much effort. I love that!

So he sends me a text message tonight about 10pm and it says that he misses me and is thinking about me.. Ah!! I had just finished having "THE TALK" with my dad. I was so glad to get that message.. made me feel a little better.

Let me tell you how this all went down tonight.. So I hung out with the parents this evening.. We ate dinner together and watched American Idol cause they love that show.. all through it my dad keeps saying "why are you smiling so much.." "whats on your mind??" "Whats this good mood about?" "Why are you so giddy??" "Do you have something you need to tell me?" I dont have any idea what I was doing or why I was doing it.. I guess maybe he just knows me well enough that he can tell..

Before I went to work, I sat down next to my dad and he says.."Would you just tell me already? Your driving me crazy with these grins and giggles.." I told him that I had some good news for him.. He said "You got a job?" I said no, but that I thought he should know that HE WAS RIGHT! I figured If I put this spin on it, he would take the news a little better. He said, Right about what?? I said you were right about Jaime being a great guy and that he could be the one.. His face went cold. I said " I just wanted to let you know that Jaime and I are dating." He said "and just how is this going to work??" I told him that Jaime was willing to move where ever I get a job, whether it be in Lubbock or Austin.. where ever. He then asked "Why would he want to do that?" I said because he cares about me and wants us to be together.

So my dad sits there with his brain just going in circles- I can see it on his face. I told him that if I got a job here, that Jaime and I would get an apartment here together, 2 bedroom. HE FREAKED OUT on that comment. Maybe I should have waited on that one.. owell! Im being honest and smiling so huge that things are just flying out of my mouth.. What I dont get is that he is okay with us dating and living together in Austin but not here?? He made a comment about questioning my morals now.. WHAT??? I told him that I have never given him any reason to ever questions my morals, or faith.. and that he has always told me that Jaime and I would end up together.. Why wasnt he happy?? He told me that he doesnt even know the guy.. Well he sure does talk about him all the time, and has nothing but good things to say.. He said yeah but that was before you guys were DATING!

I guess he was a little upset that Jaime and I were dating before my dad got a chance to meet him again and give his opinion of him. I kind of think that my parents should trust my judgement.. But this weekend they will have 4 days to get to meet and get to know Jaime and see what a great guy he is. My dad did ask if Jaime would be a stand up guy that would be willing to talk about all this with him?? I told him of course he would be.. that this was all what he had decided before he even talked to me about it. That he had already talked to his parents about it and they are 100% supportive of us doing what we need to do to be together.. My dad then says that it was easier for them since they got to meet me and spend some time with me before hearing this news.. Maybe he was right on that one, but I know my parents will love him and know that he is a great guy after this weekend. As I was leaving for work, my dad asked me if there was any other news that I should tell him.. ?? Like what Dad, really?? I didnt say that we were getting married or anything.. just dating and wanted him to know!

I know its alot to ask that my parents be happy for me- but hell! I sure would have been nice.. My dad said that he is just worried that Im getting caught up in something that isnt going to work- Do you see where I get my worrying problem from?? Why I question all the feelings Im having?? Yes I get it from my parents!

I called Jaime on my way to work and gave him the quick jist of what had happened.. He seems unphased.. He was just like Im not worried, we will have a great time this weekend. Im glad that he's so confident- cause I know my dad will be trying to put the fear of God into him this weekend.. Im a bit worried about how its all going to go now.. I hope that my dad will take the next 24 hours to really think and try to just be happy for me.. and go into this weekend with a positive attitude towards this new thing... I would hate for him to make it a LONG weekend and make Jaime feel uncomfortable.. that is the last thing I want to happen. Im sure once they meet him and see that he is a wonderful guy and treats me amazing- they will love him! (fingers crossed).

Now Im stuck with trying to figure out what to do to entertain Jaime this weekend.. Plans fell through for the party at the Dr's ranch.. So Im kind of like. Now what?? I looked all over the websites for our area to see if anything happening this weekend or for fun things to do.. not a whole lot to choose from.. lol Could be a long weekend after all.. with lack of sleep and boredom on the home front..lol Any ideas?? I would love to do something special for him.. Im at a loss right now though.

He should be calling me here in the next 30 minutes or so.. I absolutely adore his early morning phone calls.. They help me make it through the rest of my shift and just plaster a SMILE on my face.. I love it!

Going to be a long damn day!! I have got to clean house and do some laundry.. Need my room to be presentable again..lol
SLEEP MUST HAPPEN TODAY THOUGH!!!

Quote of the Day

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly without complexities abide. I love you because I know no other way then this, so close that your hand, on my chest, is my hand. So close that when you close your eyes, I fall asleep.-Patch Adams

I am such an Idiot!

Okay, So I thought I was being all clever in changing my profile name and address on here.. BUT then I realized that it didnt just change this one.. It changed my other blogs as well!! I really thought that would just change this one?? How the hell can I make that happen?

So Im hoping that he hasnt noticed my new profile name on my other blog.. If so- Im screwed! You can run but you cant hide syndrome! So I went in and changed the address of it a little bit too! Just to keep him from being able to link to this one.. Am I obsessing? YES! Do I know this? YES. Is that okay? YES! These are my feelings and thoughts we are talking about, not ready to share all of them out loud with him, let alone let him READ them.. maybe down the line.. but not now.

So I made some updates to my HEADLINE! What do you think?? The other one was about finding my new self and exploring my single life.. well thats changed a bit and I figured that this too must evolve as well..

So since I cant change my profile to tell this about myself.. I will write it here.. (it links to my normal blog that has nothing to do with my love life.. dont want to share with everyone I know..ya know?)

***THIS NEW BLOG PAGE***

A little about me:

I am starting a new adventure in my life and doing so with my best friend. Nothing has ever been simple between us and the situations we get into are pretty funny.. So here are the ramblings of what happens when Cupids arrow finally hits the target...

So Here Goes Nothing...

HOLY CRAP!! I'VE BEEN FOUND!!!

I cannot begin to tell you the emotions that I was feeling this afternoon when I received a phone call from Jaime. He was laughing and said that he had found my blog. Yes This BLOG! I was floored! I honestly thought there would be NO WAY for him to find it and he did. Dammit! That sucks so bad!! He swore to me that he did not read it-(jury is still out on that one...)

He did read a small part of the one that is called NO LONGER SINGLE.. He really liked what it had to say.. Can I even express to you what I was feeling as he is telling me all this?? I felt like I would be sick! Its like someone reaching into your heart and suddenly being able to see how you feel and think about everything.. or reading your Diary- cause thats pretty much what you are.. Damn- I felt so sick!

So Yes needless to say, I did change a few things about it so that he could not access it whenever he wanted.. the web address as well as my name. I hope that I can remember them..lol

Did I mention that we had "Our First Fight"? Well it wasnt really a fight but he didnt like giving in. He was purchasing his flights for this weekend and I asked him to please use my southwest gift card to help pay for it since it was super expensive. After going back and forth for a while- he finally gave in. I was so happy that he did. Why not let me do something nice for him once in a while.. its not often that I can these days.. cause Im so damn broke. lol
So that was our first fight and I WON! :-) I told him to get used to that feeling... He said that he cant wait to get here so that we can "make up." (uh huh..)

Then our second fight would be this afternoon when he found my blog.. j/k

I cannot express the feeling I get when I hear the phone ring and I see his name pop up on caller ID. I have to answer with a smile and a laugh. It makes my whole day! We talk for hours on end and I hate it when we have to say goodbye. My whole mood just changes.. I will be so happy to see him on Friday. I hope that when he and I see eachother at the airport- it just feels right, feels comfortable.. I want to let myself go and just enjoy being with him this weekend.. no worries!

My parents mentioned to me tonight that they are wanting to get out of our storage unit that we have.. in order to do that.. I would need to sell my couch, love seat, coffee table, end tables.. Basically all my furniture!! So Im thinking- what will I have when I move out?? I mentioned this to Jaime to see what his thoughts were. He seems to think that it would be fine-- He will just tell his parents that he needs furniture. They will go out and by themselves new stuff and give him what they have now?? What in the world? That sounds nice and all but Im thinking we are going to have bean bags in our living room..lol Owell it will work out somehow.

He should be calling here in a few hours and Im so excited! I look forward to each time we talk and just to hear his voice again.. I cant wait to see him on Friday!! So excited!

HE BOOKED HIS FLIGHT..

Iam just on cloud nine! Cant go to sleep.. We just hung up after talk for another 4 hours tonight and he booked his flight to come see me! I cannot wait to see him again and get to spend time with him. I miss his face, his hands, the warmth of his skin against mine, his smile, his scent, his breathing when he sleeps.. I know- I got it bad!

Im just trying to figure out what is right for me in this whole thing.. I want to feel comfortable with him and he's doing everything in his power to make me feel that way.. but its just not yet.. Im scared and nervous! There have been so many times in the past week that I have wanted to just blurt out- I love you! But I dont want it to be that way.. I want things to be meaningful and special.. Im just weird like that. Im a little bit nervous about this weekend just to see how my parents react to him, react to us being together, see how things go... I hope that it all just feels right and then I can tell him how I feel too..

I need to start getting some calls for job offers there.. Why are they not coming in? What am I doing wrong?? I want to badly for this to all work out and us be in the same place.. I need to get away from the city I am in and get a fresh start with him! I also need to start planning on when I will be going to visit him next. I asked him to please use my gift card that My best friend sent me for Graduation.. to help cover the cost for his SUPER $$$ flight this weekend.. and he did.. So if i can get some job interviews set up for after this Thursday when I get paid- that would be great!!:-) I can afford to fly and see him. He told me that when I visit in June sometime- he is going to take me somewhere special... Im thinking he will take me to Fredricksburg- only cause I mentioned it 100 times that I would love to go and spend the weekend there.. lol Dont know where else he would be thinking of?? Exciting to know that he is thinking of things though.. Not used to that at all.. He has me just beside myself these days.. Im so used to being the planner, the one making surprises.. I hate that he's one upping me all the time...lol
I do love our talks though.. I love the sound of his voice, his laugh, the words he says, the sweet ways he talk about me and how he misses me.. I could listen to him talk forever..

I love him..

So we talked on the phone for like 5 hours last night.. The more and more we talk about the future and he tells me these reassuring things.. my heart gives in a little bit more.. I know I love him.. I know that I have for a long time! Now telling him this- well I need to wait a bit longer.. I dont want to jump the gun. I know that he put himself out there, all vulnerable for me and I turned away but Im working on making that up to him.

Last night he was telling me that he has kept every email, card, letter I have ever sent him... He read a few to me and it just made me laugh- cause my writing style and randomness has not ever changed..lol How sweet is that though- Most people wouldnt keep that kind of stuff for that long.. What can I say, I love this guy!

My dad just called and asked if Jaime had bought his plane ticket yet and what day was he going to be here.. all sorts of questions. What in the world?? ANY ideas why my dad is being so nosy??? Hmmmm... I cannot wait to talk to him tonight.. gotta wait till after 9 pm though.. He did join myspace today though under yet another silly name and actually added me as a friend this time..lol I think its cute!

I feel like I cant breathe...

So all morning long when Im hanging out with people that I havent seen in a few years.. Im showing them Jaime's pictures and telling them about him... I get out of there and am headed to the birthday party. My dad calls me and asks if Jaime has booked a flight for memorial weekend yet? I told him no, that we are working on that still. He says that he will see what he can do.. Um, What?? I dont know where this is coming from and if he knows about Jaime and I or if he's just hoping to help push this all along..But this was a random comment to make! Then before I head into the birthday party- I get a text Message.

I dont get text messages ever! Mainly cause I dont send them- they are a real bitch! (yes Im on Sprint). So I check my text message and guess who its from... :-) It said thinking of you! Totally made my day! I got that stupid goofy grin on my face that just wouldnt budge..lol

I called him when I got done at the birthday party and we talked for a while. I was telling him that I had baby fever and he was laughing at me.. Then he surprised the hell out of me. He told me that he needed to ask me something. ( I kind of braced myself for something bad due to the low tone in his voice). He said he wanted to ask my permission to go out with Tiffany that night and see the 2 little nieces. He said that needed to know if it was going to bother me, that he wouldnt go if it would. This was one of the most considerate and nice things-- boyfriends in the past would just go and I'd hear about it later and usually get a tad bit pissed off.. But I honestly trust him and know that he would not do anything.. He told me that he has waited too long for us to finally happen and wouldnt do anything to mess it up. I told him it was fine.. I didnt have a problem with it at all.

We chatted a little longer then I went to bed. He called me at work tonight and told me that things went well. He got to spend several hours with the girls and that Tiffany actually brought along her new boyfriend. Turns out that she had a friend for like 13 years that just suddenly came back into the picture and was moving there. They are now dating.. have been for as long as Jaime and I. :-) Kind of a weird coincidence?

Our conversations just get more and more weird as time passes.. We discussed the whole cuddling thing and how Im weird about it.. I seem to have some major issues so far in his eyes. He says that he understands that its going to take me some time to adjust.. but then he seems to constantly be asking me why I dont cuddle with him, am overly affection, wont tell him what Im feeling.. HELL THIS IS REALLY NEW TO ME!!! Im not trying to push him away but did tell him that we have only spent a total of 6 days together... that it will get better the more we see eachother and the more comfortable we both get. Im definately feeling some pressure..

He's really getting nervous about meeting my parents. He was talking to his parents about it and his mom was warning him to think before he speaks.. I dont want him to feel like that. My family is very laid back and will love him! They really will! He will probably hear it from them before he hears it from me..

Then the conversation turns odd for 2 reasons.. Sex and Marriage. The fact that the slightest touch from him just sends sparks screaming through my body.. makes me really not trust myself with him at this point..lol I want to wait and he told me thats fine.. he will do his best..lol But we just have so much sexual tension its going to be VERY hard... Then he said something about marriage and how he wants to get stable and blah blah.. he brought it up in a weird way and then when i asked-- what are you talking about?? He changed the subject. So I just said okay well whatever you were talking about- Im just telling you now- I will not date you for 7 years. lol

I miss him..and hope that when we do see eachother it does feel more natural and comfortable. I want to stop being so serious and just enjoy this feeling and enjoy him.

I Think My Dad KNOWS..

Everytime I talk to my Dad the last few days, he keeps asking me about Jaime.. Today he even said that he hopes that Jaime gets to come down for Memorial Weekend so that he and I can go with my parents to a big party. My dad said that I cant go if Jaime doesnt come down? Whats up with that?? I dont know, just weird and random things that he's saying make me think that he might be catching on.

I talked to Jaime this evening before I came into work and it was just so nice and reassuring.. I love talking to him and could do it for hours on end.. We never run out of things to talk about... He's constantly telling me how much he misses me and cant wait to see me again! I love that! He also called me tonight at work and we talked for a bit.. He told me that he shared with a few close friends today that he might be moving here to be with me.. They were all so surprised and couldnt believe that he was willing to do that for me... But he said that he was willing to do whatever it takes-- he has wanted this for years and isnt about to lose me now! :-)

I took 3 cameras in to get them developed today... I hate when you lose track of what you even took on them. So I ordered doubles on all 3 cameras.. Holy crap! $46.00 later I have 2 rolls of pictures w/ doubles that are of nothing by classroom decorations and posters that I took pictures of so that I could refer to them when Im decorating my own room next year. Really not necessary to have them developed in 1 hour or have doubles- sucks!

The other roll was from this past weekend.. It had pictures of Jaime and I at Enchanted Rock.. They did not turn out so cute! I just dont do well taking pictures with NO MAKE-UP ON and pouring down sweat! They were some pretty disgusting pictures... One of them was kind of far away of the 2 of us after we finished climbing in the caves.. It was pretty cute! I wish it were closer so that I could frame it! :-) I decided to send him some snail mail. I sent him a little card telling him that I missed him and was thinking of him.. and included several of the decent pictures and put sticky notes on the backs with some commentary that will make him laugh. :-) I cannot wait to see him again!

He is going out tomorrow night with his Ex-Girlfriend.. She has been calling and texting him alot over the past 3 weeks... She has 2 nieces that he got to meet and just fell in love with.. She has been telling him that they would be coming to town and that they could all get together so that he could see them again. So thats what he is doing tomorrow night. I wonder if I should feel worried?? Lately, she has been hinting at some things with him and he is aware of it. He told me that I had nothing to worry about- I didnt even tell him it was on my mind. I do trust him completely but dont trust her for anything. She doesnt want him, but doesnt want anyone else to have him either kind of a thing. I do hope that he has a good time getting to see the little girls but thats it. I would be happy to hear that she irritated him and that he didnt enjoy being around her..lol

Should I be worried, ya think?? Right now Im not.. we will see how I feel when I talk to him tomorrow night...

Hello, I am an Email Addict..

So as I sat here at work tonight.. I began having a flood of thoughts running through my mind about him.. I couldnt even see straight cause I was analyzing things like crazy.. I know I shouldnt do that.. Nothing to really analyze yet! But its an old habit that I cant seem to quit.. I should have just started blogging all my thoughts but NO-- I decided to email him instead. Wanna hear what my crazy brain was thinking?? Yeah well here are a few parts of the email that I sent him tonight:

***I miss you.. I miss you alot! I wish we were in the same city and I could see you whenever I wanted.. I wish that I wasnt so excited about the thought of us working out though.. that is very scary to me! I wish I knew where I will be living and working and if you will be there with me...

This past weekend just gave me such a sense of comfort and a glimpse of a life with you that I would love to have.. I wouldnt care where we lived or what we did together-- I just would like to be together.. I hate that I cant just pick up the phone and call you whenever I want-- course we'd probably really be in trouble then cause I think about you alot during the day and want to share things with you.. like today.. but I couldnt resist calling to tell you about Brandy. That was big news!

I loved having you be the last thing I saw and felt before I closed my eyes at night and the first thing I saw when I woke up.. having your arms around me makes me feel like I dont have a care in the world.. This weekend, the way you took care of me, allowed me to just relax and not have to worry about anything.. no one has ever done that for me before and I appreciated it so much.. I think that if and when we do end up together in the same city... we will make eachother very happy and I cannot wait!! I hope that I can make you as happy as you have made me and give you the same sense of comfort and security...

OH and I have decided that after making that comment tonight on the phone with you- about us not working out-- that I dont want to talk about that with you anymore. I want to believe and trust that this is part of God's plan for me.. I think I deserve to be happy and You Make Me Happy and Always Have! So no more thinking too far ahead and doubting what could be.. Carpe diem!!***

Um, can you say nut case!!!! I cannot believe that I sent him an email saying all this stuff.. Then at 4:30am he calls me and I can hear him smiling through the phone! He said that he absolutely loved reading the email and that the things I said meant alot to him! He was so sweet about it, guess he didnt think I sounded so crazy. He said it reassures him and that I have nothing to worry about.. He even offered to be the one to tell my dad about us dating since Im a tad bit worried about it..lol

So I did get a call from my dad yesterday saying that they will be home next week! I am so excited! I havent seen them in a few months and it was only for a short time.. It will be so nice to see them and get to spend some time together.. I have told alot of people about "US" including my mom, but not my dad. The thing is, my dad and I are very close. My dad and I are the best of friends, yet he is my worst critic. He has not been real happy with my decision to apply outside of the city I live in, and has been quite accusatory about me wanting to apply where Jaime is living.. So Im nervous about telling him about us being together now.. I think it will make a big difference in the fact that Jaime is willing to move up here though to be with me.. I know my dad loves this guy, and I know that he has wanted us to get together for a long time. I realize it sounds like Im making a big deal out of nothing- its not like Jaime proposed or anything but.. if he were to move here, we would get a place together.. If I were to move there, we would get a place together.. its a big deal to me and I know it would be a big deal to my dad. So I gotta find a way to tell him next week and hopefully he will be happy for me. He is the one person in the world that can make me feel an inch tall and like I completely let him down... I hate it when he is upset with me for any reason- it just hurts.. So hopefully he will be excited for me and excited to welcome Jaime into our family. :-)

Jaime is still planning on coming to visit and if he can get a good deal on a flight for memorial weekend- then he would be getting to meet my parents! I wonder if they will make a big deal out of him sleeping with me?? :-) I know they trust me and my judgement but I just wonder if they will be retarded at first with this situation..lol

I told him tonight that I had a blog about him.. That I had started a year ago.. it wasnt supposed to be about him.. It was supposed to be about me and my new life of being single.. but turned out-- almost every blog is about him.. Guess he's been on my mind and in my heart for along time.. I think Im sleep deprived.. I shouldnt have told him about this, cause that means someday I will have to show him...Oops!

Making Plans..

So it feels like my mind is just racing with the thoughts of what will happen next??
I did not get to talk to HIM all day long since I have no minutes left till the 22nd.. But I did call him tonight on my way to work... He told me that he had thought about me all day long and had been telling his friends that we are finally together! They are all so excited about meeting me.. (Im not going to lie- Im nervous as hell about meeting them!)

I have an interview today at 2:30 and he told me that he has a feeling this might be the one! Im a bit worried about that though.. Its not really the grade I would like to teach.. I dont know that my heart would be in it as much as it would a younger grade.. Im just going to go in there and do my best and see what happens. But he did say that since I got that call on Monday- He has been checking online for jobs here and apartments and stuff.. I cant believe he's taking such a big interest in the possible move.. nothings certain yet??

He told me that he is trying desperately to get a good deal on flights for Memorial Weekend- He misses me badly! But that if not that weekend, definately the following weekend.. I hope it doesnt keep getting pushed back, and pushed back... (I know, I need to stop thinking negatively..) I really am ready to see him again as well.. This week just hasnt felt right without him around.. Im missing him alot! I got pictures back from out cookout last Friday and they are so cute! Lots of pictures of him and they just make me grin ear to ear! The picture we took together is NOT so cute but like he said when I told him that.. "That was before we were together, we have the rest of our lives together to take pictures and they will be great!" Ah, how sweet!

Out of the blue, he did tell me one thing that caught me off guard. He said that he wished I would appreciate myself more. He told me that I dont give myself credit enough for the good things I do, and what a beautiful person Iam on the inside and outside... When he was saying all this- I was almost in tears.. Not sure why he was saying it but it was sweet...

One thing I can say for myself is that I am very blessed... I have some of the most amazing friends anyone could ask for.. a few of them went out of their way last week to make it to my graduation and it meant to the world to me that they were there.. It wasnt a big deal really- but to me it was. They are my support system.. and I was so glad they made it.

I know that not everyone else can see the changes I have made in my life in the past 2 years but I can.. I may not seem 100% confident and happy with myself but I have come along way.. I am much more confident and proud of myself than I was before... I have accomplished alot personally and academically in the past 2 years! I hope that I can become more confident in other areas of my life as well but am just taking it one day at a time.. this new relationship has been a dream for me for so long and the fact that now that I have it-- I wonder if it will last or if I deserve it.. but HELL YEAH I DESERVE IT!!! I deserve to be happy..

Im a fairy tale kind of girl with dreams and I deserve a "and They Lived Happily Ever After..." (Im confident of that!)

Early Morning Calls..

So he called me this morning... on his way to work... He told me that he wasnt able to sleep well.. He misses having me next to him.. Ah!!

He also told me that the "testing" has already begun! He had 2 guy co-workers ask him to go out last night with them to the strip club.. He turned them down and they gave him crap for it. But he explained that he told me that he wouldnt.. Then when he got home last night from work- his best friend called and said that his wife was out of town and he wanted to go to the strip club.. He told him no too! Brian was a little pissy with him, cause hell- his wife would be pissed if she knew he was going.. he didnt care though... So he passed the test this time! He told me that he really didnt expect it to be so sudden and twice in one day! lol

Hearing his voice this morning and having him tell me that he's looking for flights for memorial weekend.. just made me so excited! I cannot wait to see him again.. I really enjoyed being with him and he makes me so happy.. Gah I have missed feeling like this..

Oh and so here is my horoscope for today.. Sounds amazing to me.. lets see if it happens...
Sagittarius
If the old adage that you reap what you sow is true, dear Sagittarius, you are in for a great harvest in the months to come. Your hard work and focus will start to pay off handsomely with promotions and raises just when you may have given up ever being acknowledged for all you do. Hang onto your great energy, passion and enthusiasm. Doors are about to open for you. Get ready to walk on through them.

And Also this one..
You don't need more logic in this relationship -- you need more compassion and understanding. Let your rationality work in collaboration with your intuition, don't use it to overrule what you intuitively know.

Is It Wrong To Feel a Sense of Satisfaction??

I did do one thing today that kind of gave me a final sense of satisfaction and allowed me to let go of it all.... The one person that is always asking me if I have met anyone, am I dating anyone.. is my ex's mom. She and I email regularly and she is always asking.. So since this weekend, some things have changed for me and I decided to respond to her email.

I told her about He and I- that we are together and very happy! I did want to share this with her, just like I want to share it with all the people that I love and care about it. BUT deep down- I do have a sense of satisfaction knowing that when she tells Kevin- It will sting a little. This was the only guy that Kevin ever gave a moments worry about.. He knew that this guy loved me and would do anything for me.. This was his only threat... And now his worst nightmare has come true-- Cause he does have me now! Iam happy!

So honestly, how bad is that?? I dealt with my loss and all the hurt, I have managed to keep good thoughts and feelings towards Kevin.. not anger or hate.. but I think I should be allowed happiness in my life. I deserve to have good things happen to me.. and is it so much to ask that he might feel a bit of pain or saddness when he hears this news?? I know, thats not very nice but I never said I was perfect! :-)

Here's how it all happened...

So I picked him up from the airport on Thursday morning and no I had not had any sleep! We ran to the mall, cause he needed to buy some flip flops?? Boys are so weird- the ones he bought have a bottle opener on the bottom?? Weird!

Then I took him to lunch at La Diosa Wine Bar- one of my favorite places. It was nice and relaxing! Then we drove out to the winery and took the tour and did the tasting.. I was exhausted.. My driving was horrible! Next we met up with another couple and headed over to the Science Spectrum to watch a show. I pretty much slept through the entire thing.. It was good but I was just DEAD TIRED!! After that, we headed to the store to buy some alcohol for the cook out and then to the grocery store for food... This was where it got awkward.. He met 2 of my good girl friends and one was not being the most discrete.. She made it uncomfortable! But I loved seeing him with her daughter.. He is wonderful with kids!

Then we headed to my house and sat on the back porch just drinking wine and talking.. He told me that this was his favorite part of the day.. He enjoyed just sitting with me and spending time together. Ah! So then we ran to grab a bite to eat at 9:30pm at one of my favorite bars.. we talked more and had a beer.. then it was off to bed. Things were not going as well as the previous weekend had.. but I couldnt tell if it was because i was tired or he just wasnt into me?? We went to bed and there was no snuggling to be done at all!!

Woke up bright and early the next morning and ran to my friends house to set up for the cookout.. This was pretty entertaining and he and I had a good time together! Then we headed back to my house to get ready for my graduation.. Got dressed and headed out.. The ceremony was very short and not much to it! I was glad that my friends came, and that he was there to support me! It meant alot to me! It did make me really miss my parents though...

Now onto to the Cook out.. This was a bit weird at first.. a few couples not getting along so well, a few quiet people, people with head aches not feeling so good, then me wearing a black bra under my white tank top! I had forgotten to pack my strapless bra when I packed my clothes and had to wear the bra I wore to graduation.. I felt like a nerd but 2 drinks later- didnt care! I got very drunk and had a wonderful time!! All my friends got to know him and he was loving everyone!! We had a wonderful time!! As the night went on, we decided to head downtown.. I had gotten wind of a few remarks he had made throughout the night about "us" and "our future" and was thinking-- what the hell?? He hasnt talked to me at all? Why is he telling them all this stuff?? We held hands and had a great time with my friends.. it was a great night! We got home and were a little touchy feely cause of the alcohol.. snuggled for the 3 hours we got to sleep before our flight out.. and just an FYI- dont get drunk and then try to pack for a weekend out of town!

So we flew out that morning and his parents picked us up from the airport. It was like I had known them my whole life.. We all got along really well--they took us to IHOP for breakfast- it was good!! Then dropped me off at the job fair.. which went well but havent heard anything just yet?

He came to get me and we headed to his house, where I finally got to take a much needed nap. It was nice to be with him and have him hold me.. We woke up and headed out to Enchanted Rock...The entire ride out there, he kept making comments about how we need to be checking out flights for like every other weekend so that we can see eachother regularly.. then pointing out houses and apartmens that we shoud look into.. We hiked up the mountain and it was just amazing! We laid there on the top on the hot surface and just talked for a long time, looked at the stars.. We hiked back down, set up camp, took showers and then sat outside and talked.. I cant even describe how beautiful his body looked in the moonlight! then we went to bed... where he wrapped his arms around me tight and told me that he was in love with me!

Skipping forward the next day we hiked some more and went through caves and it was just breathtaking! Then headed back to Round Rock.. took a nap together, went to church and then spent the evening hanging out with his family... Then went to bed early.. He had to work the next day, so when he got off.. he took me to the nature center which is fun and romantic! Then to the airport.. We had many talks about us, having a family together, where we would live, etc..

This is all moving so fast! My head is spinning and I cant seem to catch up with him...He's wanting to meet my parents.. I know that he has time to wrap his brain around all this and plan it out in his mind but im still trying to transition from best friends in to something more..

He did call me tonight and told me that he had thought about me all day and missed me so much... Made my whole day! :-) Can you Believe that this is all really happening???

SINGLE NO MORE...

Well I have alot to share about the past 5 days and am tired as hell right now.. so that will have to wait till tomorrow.. But just wanted to share that I am officially off the market.. We are finally together and it feels so good!

The Big Question!

Do you remember a few blogs back about my drunken night and him being full of serious talk??


Well he has asked me almost on a daily basis about my decision.. Did I make my decision yet?? Have I made my decision yet? What the heck! So what happens when I say yes I made my decision and the answer is yes, I will agree to that? Does that mean that we are free to see where this goes and live happily ever after (minus a few trips to the strip club where Iam allowed to be pissed off?) What does me agreeing to this really mean to him?? He keeps asking, so Im thinking he must think it really means something? What do you think??

Then on the reverse- what if I dont agree to his terms? Pretty much, he told me that he understands that we are both very stubborn but that we have to learn to compromise on things with eachother if we are going to make this work. I understand what he is saying but there is nothing about me that he is having to "compromise" about.. This one thing may not seem like a BIG DEAL to some people but it is HUGE to me... I consider it a form of cheating and do not want to go down that path with anyone.. Just a big waste of time.. I do understand where he is coming from, sort of, but I just wish there was something that I could relate with him on- so that he could understand the importance of this.

I did talk to him about it the other night and told him that I just wasnt sure that I was willing to compromise on something I strongly believe in.. Honestly I made some decisions in my previous relationship where I did compromise on things- hell I bent over backwards just to keep us happy and the relationship good. That relationship in that aspect was very one sided.. I would have done anything to make and keep him happy.. but it wasnt mutual and I would just deal with it, make excuses and move forward. I dont want to do that again...

Im sure this is a question I will hear again this weekend if things continue to go as well as before.. Im just still on the fence on what my answer will be.. I dont know where this is going.. I dont want to be that girl that agrees and then is hurt and upset when it happens.. I just dont!!

How Do You Think Its Going To Go??

So Im starting to realize that maybe beyond the realm of sleepiness that Im feeling-- I am really nervous! I keep replaying our previous weekend together over and over in my mind, mixed with all the intense phone conversations that have occurred lately.. What if it was just a perfect weekend?? What if he gets here and its not the same?? What if.. What if.. What if...

I really hope that things go as good as before and that we have a wonderful time together.. When its all said and done he is my best friend and I want him to always be that! But I wouldnt honestly mind if things did change a bit between us.. there is obviously something there.. I guess I just have to wait and see what God has planned for us..

Should be very interesting when he gets to meet my friends though.. A few of them that Im super close with-- well their opinions are very important to me and I want to know that they like him and see what I see in him.. Im not really worried cause I think they will love him as much as I do.. but then there are a few other friends that Im not so sure about. I dont know how they will respond to him..

I hope that one in particular does not say anything or anything to make him feel uncomfortable- but she's a firecracker and you just never know what she's thinking and going to say next.. She seems to have an issue with interracial dating.. Um, Im white and He's hispanic... I have never seen that difference or even really thought about it.. Im not that way.. But she is.. Im halfway hoping that her husband isnt able to make it on Friday for the cookout.. He's a RED NECK and well thats Im going to say about that.. But I tell you now that if there are any comments or bad vibes going down- I will be out of there and taking all my good friends with me to party elsewhere.. Im definately not going to put up with that...

Wow- on the news just now they are talking about all the toronados that have been hitting around Texas.. Gosh!! Im wondering if I will get a call next week to go and work some of the disasters?? The money is just too good to turn down.. I guess we will see what happens..

Tonight I applied with one school district and couldnt do the other 2 that I was supposed to apply with.. I either didnt have my information with me or the website was down.. Sucks! Just another thing to add to my list of things to do...

Okay so I lied about the night flying by- as soon as I wrote that, I realized I was jinxing myself! Its ony been like 30 minutes.. UGH!!

The Count Down Has Begun...

It is now 3am! He will be here in my city, at my airport in 8 hours! Can you hardly believe it?
Right now, I must admit Im just a bit numb to the whole thing.. Lack of sleep will do that to ya. I did talk to him this afternoon though and he was packing/ I was cleaning. He's really excited to see me and get to meet all these friends I talk about all the time, a few in particular..

I spoke to him about 11:30 and he was about to head to bed.. He's gotta be up at 6am.. We agree that we both may be up for a nap tomorrow afternoon. I asked him if he was at all excited and his voice just lit up! He said yes that he cant wait to see me again! Ah... good answer!

So here's what I have planned for tomorrow.. I realize its nothing spontaneous or special but it will be fun. I just cant seem to think of anything super special that I could do for him.. not there yet I guess...?

• Pick him up at the airport and go grab some lunch at La Diosa Wine Bar..
• Then head out to the 2 local Winerys for the tours and tastings..
• Next swing by the Buddy Holly Museum (educational)
• If we have time, also go by a nice park to show him some stuff from this area.. :-)
• Then we will eithor go grocery shopping for the cookout on Friday or take a nap...
• Next I will take him to dinner at a local steakhouse that my dad loves.. he will enjoy it!
• Finally- I may have to take him down town for a bit and let him see our version of Austins 6th street. It will make him laugh! :-)

Im seriously hoping to get home at a decent hour tomorrow night!! I gotta get rested up for the weekend.. Not sure whats all going to happen and how its all going to go-- but Im excited and ready!

Now the next thing I have to contemplate is.... What to wear!!