Mixed Signals??

I just can figure some people out.. I mean really!!! The past 2 days on the phone with HIM have been so retarded!!! But I did get some worries off my chest with him last night and things were better.. So we will see what the rest of this week is going to be like.. Im still excited about this weekend.. possibility of job offers, amongst other things... but trying to really focus on the job offers!!!

I happened to read my horoscope today and do you ever wonder how they can be so DEAD on... Check this out..
An echo from your romantic past is happening for a reason at the week's outset -- mull it over. Rewards are there for the taking on Tuesday and Wednesday; all you have to do is be bold enough to try something brand new in the love department. Don't worry -- it'll be fun with the mood you're in. Sweet little communiques are favored at the end of the workweek, so do a little online flirting or exchange some hot text messages -- or there's always the old-fashioned whisper. This weekend, your love life revs up, and if you can't figure out where you're going, at least you're enjoying the ride.

I was like.. Wow!! Thats pretty interesting.. and speaking about being DEAD ON.. I found out that the weather on the way to and from Austin is going to be RAINY.. I had a dream last night that I was there and about to land and the plane crashed and I died!!??!! Wonder what in the world my mind was trying to work out with that one??? Maybe its that if it crashed I would still never know.. the answers to all the questions in my head?? Hmm... Lets hope that it doesnt crash. Thanks!!

HE'S SO WONDERFUL!!!

Oh my goodness!! I just got off the phone with him and my face hurts from smiling so much!!!!

We had been on the phone for a little over 3 hours and he brings up me coming to visit next weekend.. He said well I hope you are planning on bringing a dress.... I said um, to go downtown in??? Um, no Im more a jeans and sexy top kind of girl..lol then he said well I dont know that jeans would be the most appropriate for the OPERA!!!!! Yes, you read that correctly!! He bought tickets for us to go the OPERA!!!! I have never been to the OPERA before and he knew that.. and said that he thought that would make my trip down there extra special.

He bought the tickets last week... I must have said are you serious??? at least 100 times!!!!!! Then I kept doing the "ah.. im so excited!!!" at least another 100 times!! My face hurt so badly from smiling so hard!!! But then it hit me.. I already told him that I dont have anything formal to wear... why would he do this?? Then he said well we dont have to dress up formal or anything for the section we are sitting in.. Evidentally there are 2 sections.. the one that is formal tuxedos and formal dresses and then the normal people section where you can wear a nice dress or dress pants... So since he knew that I would refuse to go cause i didnt have anything to wear-- he bought the normal seats... He said you can just wear some dress pants and nice top.. or a dress if you want.. its no big deal! So Now I HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING TO WEAR TO THE OPERA!!!!

If I wasnt stressed out and nervous enough about all the stuff with the job fair and seeing him for the first time in over 5 years-- NOW THIS!!! I cannot express how much him doing this means to me... Even when Kevin and I were together-- I was always the one to plan things, buy the tickets, etc... For someone to know how much I would love to do something like this, to surprise me with it!!! I am just speechless.. Iam so happy and feel so special to have someone be that kind that they would do that for me, just cause they knew it would make me happy! This is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me..

This weekend is going to be so scary for me.. what if when he picks me up from the airport--its just too weird and no good signs of attraction?? What if the job fair doesnt go well and I dont have any interviews for that afternoon?? What if he is so bummed out about seeing me again and nothing being there that the opera- as romantic and wonderful as it could be-- its miserable??? What if Im totally feeling him-- but he's not feeling me???

I guess I could look at it like- what a great best friend I have that would do something that special for me for nothing... it sounds so much nicer to think that this would be our first date that started it all...lol Okay yeah, jumping ahead a bit.. I know...

I just cant figure out why he and I still have this close relationship after all these years.. lets see..we have been this close for 12 years!! Doesnt that seem like an awfully long time to be just friends.. ??? Here I am finally single and he's single.. shouldnt it just work out like in the fairy tales..lol and we lived happily ever after.....

Yeah there is no way Im going to get any good sleep the next week... too much on my mind.. I feel like I need to start starving myself and working out like MAD WOMAN so that I can be that special girl that he is looking for... and I can go to the Opera and it can just be so wonderful...

Okay I just re-read all that I just wrote and wow.. I sound like a crack head thats so messed up!!!! Im obsessing over something that may not be what I think at all... I think I must have split personalities.. One thinks this is going to happen and the other thinks IM NUTS... Which one should I go with?? Any ideas???

Im taking bets on next weekend- What are you betting on???
Screw it.. Im going to the Damn OPERA!!!! :-)

Things that Make You Go Hmmm...

So this past week has been insane.. I mean just one thing after the next.. But I made it through and am still kicking...

The best friend is being odd these days though.. Makes me wonder a little about how things will go this upcoming weekend.. He's been really distant and our conversations havent been more than 20 minutes all week long... so weird..think its all the job interview stuff here..

Then yesterday I got DRUNK!!! So I call him of course and left a message saying all the drunk things.. and telling him how much I have missed him... I then pass out and he calls me back leaving this cocky message that pissed me off thoroughly.. Saying all this stuff like "dont cry, wipe your eyes.. its going to be okay.. Im giving you permission to call me back so that you dont have to miss me anymore.." Um, irritated the hell out of me when I woke up last night.

Then he called back a bit later cause he realized that since I was drunk- that I probably wouldnt see the humor in his message.. Which honestly, when I heard it.. really pissed me off!! Cause I really do miss when we dont get to talk, or hell sometimes I justs miss his voice.. Im being open and honest and it hurt for him to be making fun of that.. I get that he was just messing with me.. but damn.. drunk girls have feelings too!! :-)

We did get to talk this morning for almost 2 hours and that was so nice.. but he's just been so distant all week.. I guess with the interviews coming in and all- he may be worried that Im going to take a job here and not come to the job fair, not come to see him... But Iam going to the job fair and most definately coming to see him...

He has said a few things this week that make me think he is hinting at some feelings... like when he was discussing what to get a friend of his that he is super attracted too- but she is married... what to get her for her birthday... I jokingly said, maybe you should get her a Victoria Secret Gift Card (cause thats what he got me for my bday this year) and he said.. No I would only get something like for a girl I was seriously interested in and cared for alot.. yeah there was a brief awkward silence.. then change of topic... Are these things all in my head or is he putting his feelings out there for me to read into??? Hmm...

Today I asked him if he had any plans on May 12th... I have a graduation thing that day and was kind of wanting to ask if he would want to fly up and be here for it.. It would mean alot to me... My family cant make it and he's one of my biggest supporters! I would love for him to be there..

So I ask about that date and was nervous as hell and instead of just telling him what I was asking for.. tried to act like it was nothing.. Then he said, it must be something very important or you wouldnt be bringing up a particular date.. Then he surprised the hell out of me... he said, is that what you were blogging about on your myspace page the other day??? Ah hell, I had been caught.. I didnt realize he was checking that stuff so close..lol

Needless to say, he was already looking up flight information and said that if I was wanting to attend it (cause I mentioned that it wasnt a big deal and that I may not even go..) that he would be there! he wouldnt miss it for anything..Yes thats what a best friend says.. so why was I thinking it meant more than that??

I told him that if I ended up not doing it.. what would he think if I came to visit him that weekend instead? He just asked why... so then I felt stupid and was like.. well i deserve a break and a weekend away.. I guess I could just go to Dallas or something instead.. Then he quickly said, NO NO- I would love for you to come and spend the weekend with me.. So once again...hmmm...

SO TELL ME-- Am I reading too much into all of this??? I guess we will see when this next weekend Im with him.. We will see how it all goes... I may come back a little less happy.. or happier.. no matter what though-- biggest thing is that Im finally going! :-)

Um.. the weirdness begins...

So he calls me today as soon as I get out of my interview to ask me how it went.. I was trying to not sound like I was super excited!!! Because it did go well.. extremely well!! I tried to make him see that Im not giving up on the chance of getting a job there.. then I get a call tonight about another school that wants to interview me as well.. I told him tonight when I talked to him and man--- I cannot even begin to tell you how down the boy sounds.... It makes me feel terrible..

I really hope that I can at least not get any job offers till I have a chance to go down there and check out that job fair.. I want to keep my options open right now-- especially with the idea that maybe things could work out with he and I.. We have never been around eachother when I was available and I would like to see how this goes..lol You know how when you meet someone and everything just seems to click.. everything works.. your differences make things fun and your similarities just make it all the better... I would just like to see if there is more than a friendship to be had or not...

No more rambling.. gotta get to bed...

Just when things were going in a straight path...

Slight Kink has to happen of course!!! Things were just starting to go to perfect... I should have known this would happen.. Curve Ball!!

So I get a call today for my first interview with a school here.. Its a school that I would love to teach at. I have my interview tomorrow and am so nervous.. What if it goes well? What if I get offered a job?? What do I do??

If I were to get offered a job, I would hope that I would have enough time to still go check out things in Austin.. what if that goes well too?? What if it doesnt??? What if I get down there and have no job offers??

Besides the whole figuring out where to live thing, what would happen between me and the best friend?? If things go well and we hit it off.. I will still be living 6 hours away.. Hmm.. guess only time will tell.. I just wish there was a map that I could look at that would tell me what to do next, where to go, what to expect... but that would be too easy!!

hey.. How Long's it been???

Oh my goodness.. I have badly neglected this blog, havent I??? Wow.. well I have good news! I am applying for jobs and it just so happens that I got set up with a Job Fair in the area of you know who!!!

So I will be flying in on a Saturday, he will pick me up from the Airport and then drop me off at the job fair.. then pick me up after what I hope is a great day of interviews and possible job offers!!

I am spending the night there with him at his house.. We shall see how this all goes.. going to be awkward as hell!!! Im pretty sure.. hell its been over 5 years since we have seen eachother!! Will that spark still be there?? Will we be in the friends zone finally??

Hmm.. Lots of questions on my mind.. Im a tad bit worried about that Saturday night.. What will we do?? I know that he's all about going out and showing me the downtown night life.. I dont think I quite fit the mold of his friends there though.. could be interesting to curl back into my shell.. I dont usually get that way in too many situations but this one I might...

I obviously wont be drinking much.. Cause if there are any sparks.. hell Im liable to have a really good time.. dont need to go there.. I think I will also be asking to by-pass his super wonderful comfy bed that I have enjoyed before-- for the couch or the spare room.. just to be safe..

Gosh- I have 2 whole weeks to ponder all the what if's!! I would definately say thats one thing thats horrible about me.. I analyze the shit out of everything till its not anything anymore..

So stay tuned.. will there be a love connection? will there be the friends zone?? or heck will be kill eachother??? The count down starts now....